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Blog Post // 2023-06-15

The Melancholy In Me Gets The Melancholy In Heavy Music


I am a soft-spoken person, quiet, serious about some things, twisted humor about others, taking on the cares of the world, and inwardly thinking. It is actually weird for me to be talking about my thoughts outwardly.

I never asked for it, but melancholy has followed me for a very long time. My bus driver in elementary school gave me the name “Melancholy Child”. Somehow, to people who couldn’t see what was happening inside me, I looked like someone stricken with melancholy. Everyone was drawn to ask me if I ever smiled, if I was happy, if I talked. The truth was, I was painfully shy and nervous about people I didn't know. I was untrusting of people, and private about me. I didn’t want to talk to people, I didn’t want to share myself, and I was going through some hard events.

How does any of this relate to music?

Take it or leave it. This is me.

I love the rain. I actually feel some sense of energizing in rain storms. For me they are fun! Like standing on the edge of chaos, being drenched in emotion itself. Storms feel so powerful, and so does music.

To continue along this curious road, I am drawn to things some people find scary or off-putting outside of just rain, such as rats and bats, and talking about hard subjects. The music I like is full of hard places, subjects, and interesting topics. I don't see them for the surface value; there is so much more.

I am a sensitive soul. I realize melancholy isn’t necessarily associated with empathy, but with thinking a lot. I am a delicate soul that cares a lot about what happens in my life and others. Music I like is often reflective and stirs up thoughts.

I am independent. I am okay with doing things myself. I know I can trust myself. I have been okay all along with being a girl into heavy music, even when it wasn't cool.

I am task-oriented. I make lots of lists, come up with plans, come up with ideas, and follow through. I can appreciate the work that goes into an album.

I think outside the box. I understand there are many ways to do something, there are many thoughts and opinions. I am okay with not doing what everyone else does. I am okay with people being different and thinking differently.

When I am passionate about something, it is consuming. I take it on the very best I can. I am dedicated to it. This is what any band has had to do to get their music out, to grow their talent, and to produce the stuff I like to listen to. 

I am okay with, and even enjoy, honesty, even when it is difficult or hurts. Some heavy music slaps you in the face with its honesty. 

I enjoy the emotional expression created by others. I can appreciate the heart and purpose behind music and artwork. Sometimes I can feel the pain from it.

Heavy music was made for me! Maybe I was also made for it?

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