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Blog Post // 2022-11-14

Not Sure Yet


This blog post has been sitting here as a draft for months, as I was not sure what I wanted to say. Calling it "not sure yet," may actually make a lot of sense! 

What I am learning about this year is priorities. I feel like I went into this year with some things in mind, and now in the second last month, that has all been tossed up on it's head. Things have been ever changing and incredibly unstable. Every time I think I have it right, and start feeling comfortable, the comforting things change. 

Sometimes, you live your life pursuing something, but when you find it, you wonder why were you pursuing it to begin with. Sometimes, something is thrown your way unexpectedly, and it is a pleasant surprise. Sometimes, things are much harder than anticipated. I like what a friend told me. Her husband died of cancer suddenly, and was very young. She had a hard several years as a single mother, and then she started to get some light back in her life. She said that she was embracing happiness and good times while she had them, because she knew how quickly it could change. I am trying to be that person that isn't dissatisfied with every moment, looking for some kind of improvement, but instead I am looking around me and finding some good. Trying to recognize all the blessings.

This Fall has been amazing weather. To be this far into November with only a few snowfalls that didn't last, is very good for my area of Canada. I am actually looking forward to snowshoeing, but not so much driving in snow, and everything that goes with it. My neighbours have warned me there are still bears hanging out at their place (and a fisher). Fishers are so cute, but so vicious! And moose tracks are everywhere, so wildlife is still very active. My son says he can hear a wolf or something howling at night. That will have to die down before I can hit the bush. 

My knee is getting better, ever so slowly. I am waiting to see a specialist, next month, as I injured my meniscus. I have decided I am going snowshoeing, no matter what. I will have to spam you with beautiful winter pictures!

I actually started gaming again - something I had taken a break from. I got out a game I never finished, with the goal to finish it this time (Planescape Torment). Like baths were a while back, games had become something unreachable. It required me to choose me. I love to game with my son, but choosing to play a single-player game felt selfish. Lately, baths seem to be the only chance I have to listen to music. That, and on my way to and from work. I am very thankful that I have found a job, though I have never had so many issues finding one, as I did this year. 

This time of year we remember those who have fought to keep Canada free. I often watch war movies this time of year. Though they are more gruesome than I generally like to watch, I think they are a good reminder of what people have gone through, and how good I have it. I think of how I hate having wet feet, especially in shoes. I hate being cold, and can barely stand it for a short period of time. I get hangry when a meal is a little late. I get upset when I don't sleep well for a while. I don't like to be away from the comfort of home too long. I don't like when I have to confront someone in a negative way. Imagine being on the frontlines of World War I, in the trenches. The reality is, I can't really imagine it!

Even thinking about music, I am free to like the music I like, to listen to the music I like, to purchase music I like. I think of stories of people who had no music exposure at all, or very limited. The people who discovered their talent and brought music into the forefront. 

I guess what I am saying is: I am thankful, in many ways! 

Another thing I have been thinking about is how small our worlds can be. How we can forget about the impacts and situations people have had to go through in other areas, or what they are experiencing now. That is something I miss about my channel. Interacting with people from around the world. That gave me a more pliable glimpse into how big and varied the world is.

Musically this year, I have found myself a little stuck, for weeks at a time, listening to the same few albums, over and over. Other times, I have found myself reaching towards the past, looking for something I have missed along the way. And then, of course, checking out what is new. 

It has been an interesting experience reviewing albums, because, as you know, I am sometimes a song person. I can be in love with a song, but not like the album as a whole. Or sometimes, when everything aligns, I can love it from front to back.

Here are some stand out songs that made it to my list for me in these last months:

Amken - I Am the One

Megadeth - The Sick, The Dying... And The Dead!

Conjurer - Cracks in the Pyre

Septicflesh - The Collector

In Flames - State of Slow Decay

Hope you are finding something to be thankful for, amidst whatever crazy or quiet your life might be. I am acknowledging that this isn't easy.

There is still more of this year ahead, in music. 

See you in the next post. I am sure I will have music moments to reflect on from this year.

Take care!

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