Blog Post // 2022-02-11

Confidence To My Ears When I Am Done

I don't want to be overly vulnerable, but I have been learning some hard things. My mental health counsellor is helping me out (I finally found one that gets me). I care about people. I understand that people aren't perfect. I want to be there for people. But the problem is, MANY people are willing to take advantage. I had come accustomed to not being valued, come to expect negative treatment. It seemed like this was just what life was.

The point is, I am taking steps to try to care about myself, even if I don't really, yet. And the other day I was driving to work, I gave my notice that I am quitting after working there for 7 years, and a song came on in the car, and it felt really like the right thing for the moment. It was a toxic situation that I made the decision to get out of.

I have been hurt time and time again by people, and I know I am not the only one.

So, if you have taken steps to better your situation (I hope you are), if you are leaving a toxic situation (I hope you are), trying to find your worth (I hope you are), here's a list of songs for when you put your foot down, leaving it in the dust.

(Whenever I make list, there are always so many more than can be on it, but maybe I will save them for another time.)

The song that was playing the other day was:

Killswitch Engage - Bid Farewell

There is nothing wrong with being patient, and hoping for change, but everyone needs a limit.

I will bid farewell to all lies
I will bid farewell
Sever the tiesSever
Searching, always searching
Hoping for a change

Pantera - Walk

Two-faced people are all too common, and sometimes you just need to walk away from them. Why do you subject yourself to this over and over?

Run your mouth when I'm not around, it's easy to achieve
You cry to weak friends that sympathize
Can you hear the violins playing your song?
Those same friends tell me your every word
Is there no standard anymore?
What it takes, who I am, where I've been belong
You can't be something you're not
Be yourself, by yourself, stay away from me
A lesson learned in life
Known from the dawn of time

Agrimonia - The Battle Fought

This song speaks to the fact that sometimes I put up with stuff forever. I get determined, and that is it.

Minutes became hours, days, months
Eternal night, my back to the sun
The battle fought
In hindsight, an uneven fight

Change needs to come after death has been seen
I remain motionless, awaiting my peace
Sleepless nights and woken days
Writing testimonies from the dead

Making Monsters - Nosebleed

Some people tell you exactly what you want to hear, but have no intention on following through. How many times do you tell yourself this is okay?

Please don't tell that story now
you have promised way too many times
That this is what you wanted yeah, you need

Chances were given
chances were wasted
now you are on your own
that's life
I don't know what to expect from this turn

Fight fire with fire
It's all the same, all the same in the end
It's all an illusion
In the end I will sing

The Agonist - Burn It All Down

I remember when I first heard this song, it made me think of someone I know who actually did this very thing. She burned all the stuff her dad gave her and moved on without him. It wasn't anything I understand completely, because I somehow have tonnes of compassion for even the roughest of people, but I get the idea. Sometimes we have to let stuff or people go. What that means for me, compared to someone else, is different, but being held hostage to someone doesn't make sense.

I made sure of it, my dear
Made sure of the life we'd be living here
While you thought I was vulnerable and weak
I made sure they'd never again speak

Burn it, burn it all down
So at last we will see the sky
Burn it, burn it to the ground
So at last you will know, you will know why

Megadeth - Tornado of Souls

When you are around certain situations and people all the time, you start to fail to recognize the red flags. It becomes the norm. The tornado doesn't seem so threatening, but for yourself, you need to take a true look.

But now I'm safe in the eye of a tornado
I can't replace the lies, that let a thousand days go
No more living trapped inside, in her way I'll surely die
In the eye of the tornado, blow me away

Zao - 5 Year Winter

I really can be a straightforward person (as you know with my opinions on music), but when I stop talking, it means I realize there is no hope for the situation and really, more words aren't helpful.

Dear Tiffany,
You've made me nauseous for the last time
Everything I've said to you...
I will form a spike (to drive through my throat)
In order to stop my words
This time I'll put them in the ground along with my memories and my feelings
I'll burn it down and walk away
Let the fire warm my back

Kylessa - Long Gone

I think this is talking about what we tell ourselves - it isn't the real truth, like a mirage. Just like being in a relationship with trepidation, not so much fun.

What you see clearly right here before me
Sounding reflection or a mirage
You've lost yourself
Trusted relation with trepidation
What were you thinking when you stole the sun
We have been broken in darkness unspoken
Your tears are flying a purchased disguise
What you see clearly right here before me
Sounding reflection or a mirage
You've lost yourself

Ludicra - Dead City

This song makes me think of how much we can be suffering and put up with stuff.

I'm held in place by a fragile base
I'm the feeble crack of light
That shines in spite of all
I'll rest in denial
I'll hide here for a while

Strapping Young Lad - Detox

I think if we combine the name and lyrics, this song is about being around a group of people and wondering how you got to be with this group of people. I definitely have this feeling when I am around toxic people that want you to be a part of their clique, or want to distance themselves from others to feel better about themselves. I don't think I am better than other people, and I don't want to be around people that like to tear apart others. We need more love, not hate. So, I see this as a detox from the toxins some people bring.

How did I get here tonight?
What am I doing here?
How did I reach this state?
How did I lose my sight?

Capra - Paper Tongues

We give the hurt an excuse, but we don't deserve it.

And still you bare your teeth
Hate still lies beneath
The cycle continues
I let you hurt me again
I let you hurt me again and again and again
Why do I let you win?
Why do I let you win?
Because deep down I know what you're capable of
The pain you inflict is how you were taught to love

Drottnar - Funeral of Funerals

I like how this seems like a hard but necessary task to end things.

I will cross land impossible
To traverse

I will march without feet
In the grand finale

Rejoice, my friend
This is the end
It is the funeral of funerals

Royal Thunder - Whispering World

You don't have to take crap from people. I will keep saying it until I believe it, fully. So what if they are immature, going through something, having a bad day? You don't have to take it.

Now I'm driving around playing back all the words
In my head that I should have been saying
I should have been strong
I knew you were wrong
But I just let you break me

And you can push us out
And you can do what you want
But you're on your own
And no one's listening
No one cares anymore
Now you're all alone